dreamweaver says.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005 ; 11:12 PM

I'm still killing myself over what happened yesterday. Why am I so useless? Why do I always crumble under pressure/anxiety and make mistakes when I'm not supposed to and normally don't? The National Day celebrations in school yesterday was a just a huge scary nightmare. It didn't seemed that there was a lot of mistakes but I think I'm the biggest dance screwer. Everybody could see it coz it's so blardy obvious. Shucks.. I've made a total fool out of myself and should go stick my head in some hole and not come out anymore. Argh!!! I hate it!!! I hate myself!! Everytime I'm reminded of the whole incident and I started hitting myself to distract my mind. How very normal.

Mum just told me that Maia Lee was my cousin's classmate in Temasek Poly, Fashion Design faculty. And she requested for my cousin to help her design this gown which she wore to some function. Turns out that people complimented her on her gown and wanted to know who was the designer. And quite some time ago before my cousin graduated from Poly (he's serving his NS now), there was this fashion exhibition in school and Fandi Ahmad's wife took a liking to one of the gowns he designed and wanted to buy it. But he refused. What a good move, man. Oh wells. People with artistic talents are eccentric and he doesn't design clothes for just anybody. So fat hope of having him design one for me. :( But anyway, my auntie is going to save up money for him to go study fashion design abroad and when he gets back, I reckon that he'll be famous and earns big bucks. Haha.. Well yeah.. He's got talent, you know. On the other hand, it's kinda hard to believe that there is actually somebody in my family who's so talented. If I've inherited some of his artistic genes and shine in at least something instead of pitching myself in the middle of nowhere. Coz that's sad.

The Priss
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